Ep 18: Creating Connection in Your Online Community With the 5 Love Languages

Jun 21

Creating Connection with the 5 Love Languages

Back in the day, I ran a marriage blog. That was one of the first things I did to build community online. I wanted to create a space where people could learn from other people's marriages and their stories. I had a weekly segment called the Wednesday Wife where wives would share their stories about what really happens in marriage so that we could feel like we're not alone.

During my time as a marriage blogger, I came across a book called “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. Now, if you have ever done any type of marriage counseling or looked into how to be a better spouse or partner, then you have probably come across this book because it is one of the world's leading bestsellers of all time when it comes to relationships.

I want you to think about it a little bit differently in this scenario today. I want you to think about how the five love languages apply to how you show up for your community. If you think about the fact that we are just humans interacting in an online space, then you'll get a lot more curious about human nature and how people build relationships and the psychology around people in general. I think that Gary Chapman's “Five Love Languages" book is really important for us to understand so that we can make sure that we're speaking to all five, yes, all five love languages in how we show up for our community. So let's break these down.

Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation: This love language is all about using words to uplift and encourage others. In the context of community building, we can celebrate the progress that members make and publicly acknowledge their achievements. For example, we can feature their successes in newsletters, social media posts, or live events. Additionally, we can provide words of affirmation privately, such as sending a direct message or personalized email expressing our appreciation for their contributions. By offering genuine praise and gratitude, we make our community members feel valued and supported.
Quality Time: This is about giving undivided attention and being present for others. In a community setting, we can create opportunities for meaningful interactions. This could involve hosting live Q&A sessions where members can ask questions and engage in real-time conversations. Another idea is to send personalized videos, addressing each member by name and offering guidance or encouragement. By investing time and effort in these interactions, we show our community members that they are important to us.
Acts of Service: Acts of service involve going above and beyond to help others and alleviate their burdens. In our communities, we can provide exceptional customer support and address member inquiries promptly and with care. Surprise bonuses and extra resources can also be offered to make their journey smoother. Moreover, fostering a culture of sharing and collaboration within the community allows members to support one another, creating a sense of collective acts of service. For instance, if someone is struggling with a particular task, other members can offer their expertise or guidance. By facilitating acts of service within our community, we build a supportive and helpful environment where members feel taken care of.
Receiving Gifts: While the concept of receiving gifts may seem more challenging in a virtual community, we can still create a sense of appreciation and acknowledgment. Sending physical gifts or swag items to members on special occasions, such as program anniversaries or milestones, can make them feel valued. Additionally, offering digital gifts, like access to exclusive resources or ebooks, can also evoke a sense of receiving something special. By finding creative ways to give back to our community members, we cultivate a culture of generosity and gratitude.
Physical Touch: Physical touch might seem difficult to incorporate in an online community, but we can find alternative ways to create a sense of physical connection. For example, using high-fives, fist bumps, or virtual hugs during live events or video calls can create a feeling of closeness and connection. We can also encourage members to practice self-affirming physical gestures, such as high-fiving themselves in the mirror. Mel Robbins has this book called “The High Five Habit”, and it's all about what happens in your brain when you high five yourself in the mirror. Also, one of my friends, Kim Wash Phillips does what she calls the high 10, but in her community, it's not a high five, it's a high 10. Although virtual, these actions can still foster a feeling of physical touch within the community.

Using the 5 Love Languages in your Community

Those are the five love languages, and I want you to be thinking about how you can use them when it comes to serving your community. Words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch. Open your mind and ask yourself how you can leverage all five of these love languages to create more connection inside of your community. I can't wait to hear what you do. Let me know in the comments or send me a DM @shanapeaks.